The process of writing a book
The writing process is a funny thing. When I say funny, I don’t mean laughable, I mean odd. In my case, I looked at my book draft recently. I told myself I would edit it, which basically means, read it, make a ton of notes on what to change, have no idea how to do so, and tear what I do have to shreds. For lack of a better word, I hate it. Something I was so in love with is now looking back at me like some pile of garbage. There’s no depth to it and I don’t even know how I let that happen. Or how I didn’t realize it until a literary agent basically pointed it out to me. It is wildly frustrating.
I don’t want to lack depth. All I am is depth. I almost think there’s too much depth to me. In certain situations, I can take things too seriously. In fact, the only reason I believe I’m funny is because I’m seriously disturbed about so many things. I almost fear the possibility of not being funny anymore, becoming too serious instead.
Furthermore, I’m paralyzed by the concept that the book I’m writing could go one of two ways. It could be one of the best books I ever write or the one thing that makes me give up and never do anything. My book release is this very real, much-anticipated concept amongst the people who know me. And the idea of letting them down, almost taking too long to have a finished product, is devastating.
Writing draft after draft
It’s crazy to think I have finally finished a story. To only realize, it’s not even halfway done and I essentially, have to start all over again. From damn near scratch. It’s impossible to focus on the good in my story, with that realization in the back of my brain. The only comfort I feel is knowing that most, if not all Writers, say the real work begins after the first draft is complete. As I’m writing my third draft, I’m also reminding myself that most, if not all success isn’t from lack of talent. It’s from lack of trying. I just can’t give up.
As I experience this writing process, I remind myself of another factor. So much energy of mine has been put into my book and this career, that it feels nearly impossible for it to not work out. It has to be true. I’m sure I really have no idea about the exact struggle I will endure for that dream to become a reality, but I know as long as I keep at it, I will succeed.
The process of writing articles
Recently, I applied to be a writer for the ThoughtCatalog, an online magazine that shares honest, truthful, writing about life and what people are going through, across the world. As I was applying, I hit a point where I realized this normally is the part where I give up. The application to be a Writer wanted to know what I “specialized” in. Here is an example below:
I have no idea. I like a few of those things, but I don’t know if that necessarily makes me a “specialist” in any. Doesn’t that seem rather extreme? I’m just some twenty-something that is chasing a dream that may not even be the right one. I don’t even know if I am a Writer. How could one possibly know?
This is normally when and why I don’t finish anything. I hit a point that makes me question myself. I remember I don’t know what I’m doing.
Instead of giving up, I chose “self-discovery” and my application was recently approved. The next step is having the audacity to actually submit something I wrote.
Writing anything and everything
My book rewrite has started. I decided it was much easier to completely start over, then work around what I already had. As of right now, I have 57 pages, half of which I feel confident in. My last draft was 244 pages. But you can’t just run a marathon. You have to run a little bit every day. The writing process continues.
If you want to know more about my book and my writing, tell me in the comments! Even if you don’t, tell me anyway.